Ramblings

Anxiety

2009-09-02T07:29:00.000-07:00

Damned if I will
Damned if I still
Can't find a way to bridge the divide
The turmoil of a ride
That's this sacrificial routine

<><><><

2009-09-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

I give it my all
Just to fall
Down again
And wonder why I can’t send
Something better
Whether it’s
Weakness
Or worry-who cares

Considere esto

2009-08-16T08:55:00.000-07:00

No creo en ningún dios.

Mi razonamiento es simple.

No soy capaz.

No es una rebelión.....Pero una incapacidad.

Luego, Jake

2009-05-16T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hello bellows of a burdened shade-
snap back to black and begin to fade.

Old Piece of Writing

2008-12-07T15:43:00.001-08:00

Called Lyric Step 1-I just finished a recording of it-might work on putting some instrumental with vocals...Time will tell-in the mean time, check it out.

Laugh out loud- I heart this carcass
She texted on her phone as her eyes gave a groan
Specks on her clone want her to cry and hone
The sucking skills
So fucking ill
Every verb and word must have leprosy
It’s absurd the curve that I’ve made
now that you’ve set me free
My body is a vessel of self-expression
Of haughtiness and hard-learned lessons
Of dabbling defenses and random slips of depression
So lets stand them, and man them up
So they can comprehend the end is a decomposing vine and not divine or a sign of a new rewarding staircase to climb
Haha! You cringe at the futility, but I laugh and flick it off
And I’ll sob behind the jaded lies just like you
Lust like you
We’re all the same crane tearing at our chicks, stripping a width of flesh as we encircle our minds with mesh that tears out our verbal skills
Herbal thrills is what I prescribe for you my friend
Lets tell tales of tragic turns in which a man had a sexual burn so he put it out
By making-her put out
Saying the word bitch makes you a misogynist
What about ass, shit, and fuck or are those too erogenous
Too open to interpretation
Excuse me as I pop the fuck out of your ego’s inflation
Because if it’s not overblown then it’s not intriguing
Which is why I’m sighing happily as you’re leaving
Get on board or get nailed to it

Music, etc.

2008-12-03T13:20:00.000-08:00

So-said album was half done, with the first CD of two complete. But being me, I went back and scrapped about eight songs which I'm likely going to replace- but fortunately I've already figured out the general tone and concept on the second CD and have figured out a couple songs for it thus far, and my friend said his label would distribute my music and so on as well. Between work, music, and school it's been exciting past couple of months. Although writing and music have esentially taken over my interests, I'm still psyched about my art class this upcoming semester.

More Later!

Work

2008-12-03T12:52:00.000-08:00

Iconic grasp of the situation drowned in tonic to numb the negligent ferries that crush all of the seal-infants that flap throw through the riptides that grow impatient in the bay a a captain barks orders in a long-tongue obsolete with former-cow skin tanned warming his feet

To Be Expected

2008-12-03T12:45:00.001-08:00

Infestations
of the highest caliber puncture the security and make homes in nestled mud dwellings of a deliberately lost land constructed from scratch of lead-- bankruptcy--as the mentally ill wrestle with bombs that obstinately refuse to defuse and complain in absentia.

Amalgamate

2008-12-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

Ear burns and face tilts
Accompanied by laughing scars
That twirl through concave fabric inhaling tones

Ripple

2008-12-03T08:38:00.001-08:00

The collective carcass of the heartless desecrates a solid lake of gold and lambent whispers

Demi-Monde

2008-12-03T08:36:00.001-08:00

The jetset underworld of France
Is an impulsive churning burn of chance
Everyone's throbbing in a robbing trance
Dance
about rationale
Everyone's swimming in spinal canals
of the Grade A on the grind
searching while lurching- don't make up your mind
dedication is sedation-caked up and blind
stumbling while mumbling within decadence divine
Objectify to simplify
the constant stream will nullify
all that you mean to glorify
Make sure to deny the whores their eyes

YES!

2008-10-25T20:28:00.000-07:00

The album is near completion......I intend to stay up all night and finish. I'm too excited to write about my inspiration-Peace!

Something to appreciate

2008-10-06T07:11:00.001-07:00

This is Jessie's handiwork, and I'm very fond of it. It brings to mind the essential elements of Sarah Palin:

1) Deficiency of intelligence

2) Delusions of competency

3) A misplaced sense of sincerity

4) Catering to the conservative stereotype as a means of getting approval

5) The inability to have a debate without immature side comments

6) Accusing the opposite party of the very things she is guilty of

7) Adopting trite philosophies under the guise of her own opinions

8) Not having a comprehensive or even basic understanding of the inner-workings of politics

Attention Conservia!

2008-09-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

Even in the event that Barack Obama were the Anti-Christ

why would he care to be elected president of the United States. In my eyes that would be a bit of a downgrade going from supreme ruler of Hell to leader of a country that is trying to be a knock off rendition of Hell. Furthermore-wasn't George W. Bush already given the illustrious title of 'Satan'? You can't have multiple Lucifer politicians-you've gotta pick one, the incumbent or the candidate.

Things to be excited about

2008-09-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

Jessie!
East Carolina's football victory over Tulane earlier this afternoon
Spore:Reloaded
Kicking some academic ass!
Work, which means money( in most instances)
Having essentially no obligations beyond church and finishing mowing the overgrown terrain that is my backyard
The Hungarian film Kontroll( I really want to see it at some point)
Stimulants!
Friends!
Halo
The film I'm working on!
The album I'm working on!
----------------------

2008-07-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

We're diamond pelts siphoned from the flesh of a screaming feline that curls within itself in anger.

2008-07-27T10:42:00.000-07:00

I can't say anything worthwhile anymore

then she stumbled toward the door

Slurring her movements

Jagged phrases scraping her lips

But I licked them off with a jab of my tongue

2008-07-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

If no one were ignorant would we be better off, or would elitist cultural races to see who was the most educated and sophisticated emerge? I actually think things would be in a far worse state then they are currently. Because at least with the dichotomy of ignorant and educated people that sort of tension is consistent and sustainable. We'd probably be more prone to instigate conflicts, and become more selfish and arrogant. We would have a global movement of deluded hipster lifestyles and philosophies.....Nothing would get accomplished.

2008-07-12T21:51:00.001-07:00

Boredom is laziness.

2008-07-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

People don't have trouble with change, they have trouble with the disorienting nostalgia it can bring.

Spain

2008-07-12T09:15:00.000-07:00

The matador smiles as he twirls his taunt
around the beasts brain
The runners rile up a style
that defeats the goring lane
Waivers for the archaic ravers all signed and returned

For individuality, against the standard

2008-07-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

Strive to be same
Live to be like
Grow to be gawked at
Smile to be shunned
When kindness is an anomaly for which we don't have a cure
How is is that we can expect anything else to be pure

2008-07-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

When will we admit how many people have been undone by sordid sensationalism?

2008-07-10T21:04:00.000-07:00

Thud languages pepper my skull
With declarations exhaling over those tongues
Hello, bright light release
Here I am-Here I've been

2008-07-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Child
N o thing
Will
hurtyouanylonger

Just trust the wind

That caresses

All that you feel isn't and wouldn't be good enough

It will hold you 'til hurt is an anxiety

of a place
thatnolongerexists

Earth: 3

2008-06-09T11:59:00.001-07:00

The damned dentate soil
Tears into my ankles
Like bear traps to fur
Or that bears jaw to a fish
And my own screaming bleeds till my ears tanks are full
But the diminutive dentate of dust all about
Walks around but not with every step that I take
These are jaws
I wish I would never wake
To-not have my futility become an itinerancy
This mausoleum of mud molars
I know you saw the end-
Yet what the earth lets in my blood
Is still determined by the solar orb
That never pities my plight
Until it to becomes gnawed to bits by the night
When we both miss our massive majestic matutinal mother

Earth: 2

2008-06-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Gnarled roots of fists
Punchin with cheer
Tar your wrists
As you crunch your fears
The bark on your chest
No longer arrests
My attention
If I were the pesticide
You’d be the locust
If I were the drought
You’d be the survivor
Is it fun-to be abandoned to your endless fields of grain
I’d sooner tear
Your leaves
Then embrace them----dear
You are the shrubs that have finally been cleared
You are the shrubs

Earth: 1

2008-06-09T11:53:00.000-07:00

Tears of wood
Is what she wept
We would always hear
But never-
Really understood
We’re what she left
Clamoring through the back door
Unkempt, mud-caked, sobbin through sores
Sweat droplets servin as mirrors on the floor
Slobber over the food
And howl at the neighbors we think are rude
For every other time there was a reason to back it up
But you’re tired of my fatigue
And I’m tired of you relieved, so pack it up
Pack it up now

Release

2008-06-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

There is little more beautiful then a trusting surrender.
To let inhibitions slide of your tongue
Let music dwell in the bobbing of your head
the arythmic tapping of your foot
Which is slightly off but just as passionate as the
Tittt-errrraddedat-tow of the cymbal hits
And it would seem you saw a symbol in every one of those guitar licks
A ramshackle bridge that no one shows anxiety over
A spinning desert with a layer of diamonds hibernating underneath
Everything is something else- complex yet mindless with the music in your feat

Realization

2008-06-05T10:58:00.001-07:00

It stopped fazing---
me when I failed to falter in my faith----
in the fulfilled fabric -----of
the
flowering fantasies.

T-a-l-k

2008-06-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

Strangely enough the more you know the less you feel
He said as twirled the stiff orange peel
Around his thumb and bruised other fingers
Those conversations made me numb
Yet a feeling would always linger
My mind was a ceiling filled with singers
and the glimmer of their vocals
was like a coat full of gold
Rubies and such
I'll never know the boat
I boarded
To cruise to such luck

Sunshine

2008-05-29T11:12:00.000-07:00

The sun’s a jilted jezebel jumping for your throat
It doesn’t matter how we built it- at least we filled the moat
Your lungs are wilting crevice cells drunk with halted hope
Chip chafed chatter

C a resses

Your
M o uth

with cotton

Conversate

2008-05-29T11:07:00.001-07:00

They sat as I sat
S a l i v a t i n g
over the smallest
I d e a l s
They spat as I spat
E n u n c i a t i n g
Under the tallest
M i n d -w h e e ls

Devour

2008-05-23T11:12:00.000-07:00

The crocodile slithered onto the bank and approached a man in cardboard-stiff starched khaki clothes. The man jumped instinctively but then he recognized that the animal meant him no harm and sat down cross-legged and began speaking to to him.
"Why've you come out of the water sir?"
"Give me reasons why I wouldn't have."
"If you're capable- I don't see why you shouldn't. It just seems strange, you don't really belong here."
"By what standard?"
"Nature's."
The crocodile dismissed this statement with a wave of his scaled hand and slunk over to a nearby antelope.
"Watch this."
The crocodile tapped the antelope gently on the shoulder. The antelope recoiled initially but the n looked on at the reptile in a friendly manner.
"Will you be participating in the chain today?"
The antelope nodded sweetly, and the crocodile instantly suffocated the animal in a blur of lacerations. Bloodied and victorious the crocodile turned back toward the horrified man, with a lethargic displaced look in his slit eyes.
"That is nature's standard. So I will be rejecting at every moment I can."

Corruption

2008-05-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Your five-legged fantasy of followers has just become disfigured
and it's writhing and it's wailing about how you've treated it
But you just preach on
Fuel all your addicts until cleverness ensues
What delightful disasterous dogma my friend
There can be no attractive absolutes but the seductive end
The skies are sobbing and heaving as they're grieving
How you've decided to blend
Truth
with
Appeal
Your philosophy is an uncouth meal of steal and deceitful deals

Battle

2008-05-23T10:45:00.000-07:00

Ten thousand of the horde couldn't afford to deny the lord any longer
So as they marched through cream colored streams, their muscles so lean they pondered the path of the warmonger
To whom the pledged frightened obedience in the form of their swords
There womb was a ledge of light and they saw the sense in the scorn of that chord
Of buzzing hope, that had become a joke amongst the ranks
Does he tote that mace and chain because he is yoked or to emphasize thanks
Toward the general of gravel who has march so long even he has forgotten, the rotten roots of their effort, as if he and the fleas of fantasy he commands have digressed into more
By destroying themselves, they've become blessed to the core.

Then

2008-05-23T10:34:00.000-07:00

There was a waltz that I wove with every car that I drove
A mad sad little slide that dove
Into every battered clove of stability,
every slathered grove filled with mildew beads.
I was in the tapping of that nervous finger
I was in the vocal trappings of that worthless singer
The dance has an inflection of insatiable instability
Yet their feet punch the ground
And your wrists kick the air
Crunch up your crown
And lift it from your hair
this ammicable arriviste
Is my appicable, cylical mind feast.

....

2008-04-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Use the pain as fuel.

Looking

2008-02-29T12:47:00.000-08:00

One day we’re going to leave this ritualistic
Pit which your wrists lit
and find something cleansed

Back to the Streets

2008-02-11T15:06:00.000-08:00

concubinage
Drips from urban euphoria's
Genitals
And We're all a rave
of concave
whimpering waves
if they wash over us enough
maybe we'll learn to behave.

He's such an intelligent dude

2008-02-11T14:58:00.000-08:00

'actions belittle intentions'

2008-02-01T16:58:00.000-08:00

So.

I got in a wreck today.

I hit the head of the psychology department at UNCG

Oh the agravating irony

Loss

2008-02-01T12:34:00.001-08:00

So I stood in the hallway leading to the bathroom trying frantically to find some kind of piece of mind. He always bounces back I told myself and breathed as regularly as I could. He’ll be fine. He is fine. There was no justification for this reason, I just accepted it timidly and weakly walked throughout the store trying to busy myself with folding clothing or running over potential scenarios over my head. I had called my dad and told him that he was shot. It was a disconcerting conversation. He didn’t seem surprised at all. After what seemed hours of pointless cycles of thought and trying to comfort myself, she called. She asked if I was still at work, and if I was when would I get off. The apprehension was tangible. It was another person in the room taunting me in a sadistic manner. The concept of inevitability began to expand in the back of my mind, until I could feel as if my sanity was teetering. She arrived. Called me. She asked me to come outside. I asked her if she had found out anything more than what I had been told regarding the situation and she only said I needed to come outside. It was only a matter of time now as I told everyone good night and began to walk out of the store. She was sitting in the Suburban, and in retrospect they seemed darker than usual. What was with all of this secrecy? I just want to know what’s going on! She got out of the car, and walked toward me. I don’t know if she started crying before or after she told me. It doesn’t matter. I asked her what she knew of the situation.
‘Is he alive?!’
She shook her head. A movement of the head has never held so much weight.
‘NO!’ I shouted uncontrollably, moving as if I was going to punch the ground in response to my news. I shuffled about erratically for a moment. My mom made me sit down on a bench with her. She spoke of how he was with God as if this were a comfort to me, as I sat in the back of the Suburban. I muttered bitterly about how the things she was talking about weren’t real. I got out of the Suburban. I got into my car. I sobbed and swore in a more pathetic fashion then I ever have or likely ever will. Driving home listening to a rock band called Interpol. Cursing life for the awful set of circumstances it had dealt, and I think, somewhere in my mind, cursing myself for not preventing it somehow. Insanely enough, I went to work the next morning. I felt a cavernous rendition of the person that had been intact less than a day before. I felt a hollow pain then I knew was here to stay. I felt backstabbed by life for it robbing me of my best friend. I felt aged. I felt gone. People say that you typically grieve for four seasons. I don’t subscribe to such a clean cut version of mourning. I believe permanent loss can permanently change a person. I have seen nothing to the contrary.

Stimulated

2008-01-24T19:32:00.000-08:00

Sparking anguish in a suitcase filled with infants
Hearts spring into a lift of brute grace instilled by inmates
Inside my head liberated by
Guns made of taped-together glass
I am here
and my mind is clear
But they are distinct
And I believe I think
this difference is better.

Coast

2008-01-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

This places upsets me. I hate being at the beach, because it's an incessant reminder of how I hate swimming, how much I fear swimming in the ocean. How pitiful of a person I am rendered when put in isolation. I also hate family 'vacations' which are an endurance test and a superfluous waste of time simultaneously. For once I would appreciate my free time to not be adulterated by the idiotic notions of other peoples schedules and interpretations of what concepts like family and togetherness. I will not have my life bound by another's perception of me, or anything else at any point in time. When seniority becomes knowledge I'll be more apt to listen. But aging does not imply wisdom. Nor does it imply maturity. Whenever I find comfort in something it is taken from me. Whenever I put my faith in something, it is exposed as the result of my elated ignorance. It's problematic that I'm at my happiest when I'm at my least thoughtful. It is also troublesome to realize that, my family life can be held accountable for a frightening amount of my struggles. I am disatisfied with this life that I am being handed. I hate my parents.

Fear

2008-01-16T11:55:00.000-08:00

I’m pretty well controlled by fear of one kind or another.

Fear of academic failure.

Fear of personal failure

Fear of isolation or loss beyond control

Every waking moment that I have to my disposal is mainly dominated by anxious thoughts and warped repetitive statements and perspectives which hold no place in my life. My existentialist, borderline dualistic approach to the obstacles and events that define my days is a double-edged sword. I am learning consistency, but it is hard to remain one way for even the shortest period of time. It seems like the only time everything was cut-and-dry black and white was when I child, when I was ignorant. I am unbelievably tired of ruining things, places, and connections that make me happy through no deliberate commitment towards such an outcome on my part. I am torn between living in the mood and brooding about how little I, and this life matters. Or at least how my perspective renders it so. You know you are thinking too hard too much when you can literally feel yourself processing every bit of information in an effort to understand the smallest shred of what is going on around you. I am not negative. I am overwhelmed. There is a definite difference between the two, and I wish it were perceived by more people. Fortunately I’m learning to escape my thoughts by keeping busy. Not just occupied but ridiculously involved in everything I do. Because I can’t handle relaxation. I can’t handle ‘idle’. Because doing nothing is the equivalent of putting my mind on a slope.

Arcade

2007-12-28T05:02:00.000-08:00

Eaglespead in the video game
Pixelated bodies lay strewn
In a 2-d spectrum
Eyes that look like dull egg whites
With gravel centers
I never understood why they would let them
Wander into the vortex
As vindicating as the vargrancy must have been
Those centipides should never have been ignored
Neither the relationship between the ivory circles
and that brown-gray sand-water ice-fire panoramic background
Welcome to the arcade

Gang

2007-12-26T08:18:00.000-08:00

Blank glances
Rank stances
We drank it all in
With the cuffs of our eyes
And we dragged and we drugged
Got furious involved and then saw a flood
Adjust like a professional
We can confess lust in the confessional
I swear it was never intentional
But hell we’ll work with it
Shell out the gwac and we’ll shell out the work for it
But if you ever tell don’t be surprised if you
Get peppered
Seasoned with a hell-load of shells
Knock out one of mine
I’ll take out three of yours

Puzzle

2007-12-10T18:25:00.000-08:00

A scorpion with the head of a rabbit
Inquired as to my whereabouts
And I looked at with a wrenched puzzled expression
Said right here
The hallucinated hybrid said where’s your proof
Bounded backward up a down escalator
The fucking thing had just sprung from the ground
Violating every comfortable truth I had
With his incessant philosophical garble cohesive as falling timber

Retrofitted Lacking

2007-12-04T16:17:00.000-08:00

After looking at the Christmas tree, I realized that everything pure that I have ever experience has been eventually adulterated by others. Halloween, Easter, sports, the sense of christmas joy, my faith in God. My environment has progressively dictated that these things are painful reminders of an naivette I will never again posesss. It's not disheartening, just very sad to come to terms with the concept of the best things in life being taken from you.(Whether by your's or someone else's design) I have even unintentionally sabotaged a relationship in which I was truly loved and I truly loved them....And through my innate selfishness I lost it all. But at the same time it seems that I had to lose the best things in life in order to mature. And also develop a greater appreciation of everything I had and everything I could potentially have if I can just exercise some patience for once in my life. I believe my maturation has had very little to with choice, if anything it has just been a necesary alteration to my previous obstinancy.....I believe I'm becoming obstinant for the rights reasons though now-in an effort to truly become a decent person for many people's sake. I should go complete some homework now.

Monster

2007-11-30T19:06:00.000-08:00

Three irises to a pupil
Eight eyes to a socket
Two tongues to each mouth
4 minds to each skull
15 ears inside esophagus
skin made of hair
and hair made of skin

in a cave made of mud
and blood
grit-spit-secreted salivations
spinal fluid
corpses piled high
to the point where you aren’t sure
if they’re in- or are the sky

half past a feeding
And a quarter till hibernation
Livers lace the pulsating wart ridden hovel

This is the anxiety of my mind- personified

Arguement Against Evil

2007-11-30T17:05:00.000-08:00

If everything’s relative then evil isn’t real
Because truth is relative to the situation
And the situation is relative to those involved
And that’s relative to their backgrounds
And that’s relative to their genetics
And their genetics are relative to their parents
And their parents are relative to theirs
So the only way to extinguish the evil you speak of
Is to sprint backward in time
At a time before there was a time
And extinguish the primordial bacteria that was people in the beginning
And then there won’t ever be evil again
But then you wouldn’t be
So which you would you rather
Existence or a pure biological slate

Explanation

2007-11-30T10:11:00.000-08:00

I think that people need to widen their influences, particularly in a social context. You shouldn't become the person you're closest to out of covenience. The only reason you should adopt the characteristics of another person should be to improve yourself as a person. Individuality isn't overated and complicated, it's underused and simple. On another note, I don't agree with the theory that Atheism encourages the development of amoral pretentious intellectuals who sneer with disdain at the possibility of being wrong. Having going through this stage myself I can honestly say that the arrogance of independence is no more then a stage of maturity. Being filled with pride is far easier to manage then being consistently humble, so people often decide to live by the former. I also have a great deal of respect for the 'faithful', deists, Christians, Jews, Muslims, etc.... Having faith is an admirable accomplishment in my eyes, even if I don't subscribe to their lifestyle of hopeful dedication in this life. The more honest I am with myself the more I tend to realize that I would love to have the comfort security and inspiration of a God. Or even just the knowledge that their is an otherworldly being that loves my for all that I am, regardless of my faults, deliberately made or otherwise. But the overwhelming need for logic and order in my mind displaces that possibility. My borderline compulsive need for proof of anything that is not tangible and explicitly clear to my senses is simulataneously a helpful tool for analysis and maddeningly repetitive. Despite wishing that there were a god of some sort, I have also come to terms with the fact that I wouldn't be able to live under rules dictated by such a being anyway(10 commandments, 5 pillars etc) So, if the Judeo-Christian God exists then I will be commited to eternal torment for my lifestyle and choices. Assuming that there is nothing spiritual beyond this life I will cease to exist upon dying. It's just a matter of determining whether existing in pain for eternity or not existing at all worse. I wonder if this existential dilemna plagues the faitful........

Depends.

2007-10-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

Make me think….
Should I harm or heal you?
Make me sink…..
Should I charm or deal you?
Like a deck of cards,
Little rectangles of you to each gentleman in the room
Get out of my train of thought and gently ease into my room

How it Goes.

2007-10-30T16:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a teenager
I think like the elderly encompassed into one
Looking back on what hasn't even happened yet
Pre-emptive nostalgia, cynicism, apathy, addictions.....
Hell! I've got it all
And you're cordially invited to watch me as I fall...
My autombile
still has the smell of cigarettes and cologne on the steering wheel
My clothes
Remind me of memories which remind me of the wrongs I've done in them
Hell! I've got it all
And you're cordially invited to watch me as I fall...

Indecisive

2007-10-30T16:46:00.000-07:00

Maybe I’m a pathetic alternative
Maybe you’ll have to let me go so that you can live
In forward-motion
As I move toward erosion
You know how we both feel
But with a realistic blink of an eye
I feel like I’m a rip in yours
I wish I could spare you the melodramatics
So I’ll hide behind my stubbornness
Chant along as strong as I can muster
Pant like a stray-lived so long I lost my luster
Or maybe that’s my mind
We were cavorting through hills of dirt
And rooms of white and wood
We were purporting a new spill of sores
And hurt
Walkingdown
Talkinground
Bouta
Newfound
Newtown
Just must be be bound
To find a
Newsound
As I move toward erosion
You know how we both feel
A
Realistic rip in the rarest eye
Maybe I’m a pathetic alternative
Maybe you’ll have to let me go so that you can live
So I donned a hat made of cremated people
And crumbling steeples
I’m still peering through this damp peephole
So stamp me cross papers until you seem as nearly, clearly whole

If

2007-10-28T17:37:00.000-07:00

arrogance is considered an overstated confidence......
Then how is being proud of large accomplishments any different.
Self-praise
Praise from others....It will all deify us on varrying levels.
Give me a break, spare me your self-righteous excretement......
If arrogance is grounded in accomplishment, then be thankful I'm not more confident then I am.
There is nothing more amusing in debate, then to listen to a person try very hard to make himself look like an idiot. I just realized that earlier.

Give and Take

2007-10-28T10:12:00.001-07:00

Announcements galore
Renditions they pore
From the water pump that sought to lump
Us altogether in an intricate ideal
Ignoring the insipid differences in all that we feel
Ducking behind me-guess I’ll be the shield
But shelter is something I will not supply
A diminutive bird on my shoulder
Disheveled, feathers peeling away
Help her to realize that the amount you cry
Will not affect the how the when or with whom you die
Carpe diem
Before they bar your freedom
With a concrete fist
And an asphalt apathy
Stuttering symphonies of jilted guitars bring bastions of bravery
That compensate for the crawling cowardice
I want some harsh truths
I want your words to make me cringe
I want you verbally break it down, a vocal binge
Life is a maelstrom of flotsam
A whirling drain
A pearl dotted with strange
Curling stains
Which hurl the pain to a dreamlike domain
And I drift drowsily hoping for a hope
The lack of naiveté is killing me
Brink it back to breathing the fill of the sea
That electrifies my head
And calms my bones
God’s there so she won’t be scared
Whatever keeps the demons at bay
A squad that shares
They shot her stares
And reached for her hand
Since I’m out of sight
It seems my time is no longer at hand
Prolific or nothing-there’s no between
You lit at the speed you would have spit and insult from those over pronounced lips
And seem to agree but it would be to humbling to say so, catapulting your hands to your hips

....................

2007-10-16T14:53:00.001-07:00

Friendship is what occurs when two strangers find a common enemy at least in some instances
Pain isn’t a hindrance in my life-a catalyst is a more fitting label
I teeter between being incredibly empathetic and nauseatingly nihilistic
And as I tell a truth, my mind slithers serpentine satisfying an underhanded altruism
The exploitative element is alive and well
I’m an automated being and I’ve become a shell
Believe it or berate it-this is the me I’m entertaining right now
Violence
Provided means the people are delighted
Peace bores the masses
The best opinion is one
That clashes
Originality as part of
A larger authenticity
Now if that isn’t individualistic
Redundancy
Then I don’t know what could be
Your prayers
Declare
A synthetic attribution
To a
Pathetic
Conclusion
That we are
But branches
Of a god
That blanches
In the face of a fact
Counseling options to my left
An apathetic disposition to my right
The center is contentment
The center is happiness

Waiting for a proof
Just one little statement
Waiting for something that won’t refute
The unjustifiable allure

You stuck the needle in my arm
Are ya all right ?
Do ya need to lie down?
You and that foreign charm
I clutched that stress globe
Like it was life itself
The needle tunneled in my vein
Are ya alright?
Do ya need to lie down?
Do ya need to die down?
To cry sound from those instruments
To defy the ground as you race right towards it
I want to tear the bark of your blessed eyes so badly
But you refuse
You resist
You insist
That I just wish
For something for myself but in the context of another
Isn’t that the silent accusation that everyone clenches?

New Chapter

2007-09-28T17:45:00.000-07:00

Blocked-barricaded
thoughts stocked up but still so dated
final freedom jilts the still jaded
And it feels so lambent
As I wake for the sake of positivity
A break I take although people preach of a whole soul
I hope As I drown myself in a liquid kaleidoscope of rope....
The coarse convulsive compulsive nature
of the human handling
of the temporary titillations
of this short solace from death.
what a frozen night out on the town
A small bride in a gown
A stalled dive into the ground
The city is littered is littered with sordid salutations
Rethinking connections only leads to loss
I see slinking confections of those bleeding moss
Hit me til the lit spit spurs spasms of morbid mastications
Build it on construct and innovate the upscale
Fill the strong with aqueducts of funds and create hate for the sluts that wail
In the pockets the gutters the feathered filth of this shattered sailboat that sets sail
Morale’s at an all-time low
My misused modicums of mockery
Pierce every security, comfort, solace that you misunderstand miserably
Mislaid militancy migrated at a memorable rate and you can’t ignore the bitter sea
Sure-have some counsel a few aggravated allusions and a pinch of an enthusiast enshrouded in a clouded doubted conscious state of a monstrous lake which inhales shale and all caught in it’s windpipe dims the light of the fire in his bones as well fall inside the fish we conspire to moan and we fall with bits of nostalgia onto moss-laced misplaced flotsam and as I look at all the dead I wish I had caught them instead I just fought them ponder what all the lead brought them, then I realize the essential eugenics never seem to end, As black swallows the wreckage, I follow everything I let live or give down a gravel trail-driven mad to sail all while inside this leviathan whale, fighting the right to spin another tale, as I rail against order and become a slave to it, as I flail in disorder and my lungs notice the stave you flicked, and laagered lampreys latch onto my Achilles, I haven’t finished many thoughts but I’d say it’s time to seal these.

Realization

2007-09-15T20:31:00.001-07:00

A net of disappointment
A poorly planned web
A cruising contusion
Trying to delude myself
But it seems that I’m losing
I only inquire because I want something to inspire
I only retire because I want something to be born
Rather than expire
Unrealistic and idealistic-----perhaps
Stunned by the real shit---that’s been thrown into my lap
Untold unfriendly escapades scalded by a sadistic sun
Elevate me to a new now that doesn’t clamp to my limps
Like a trip

Agression

2007-09-14T18:35:00.001-07:00

I’m lookin for a fight tonight
I see crass trash with each glance I pass
Dramatics all around but I just chuckle
Life is for enjoyment-embitterment a hopeless struggle

Nostalgia

2007-09-14T18:14:00.001-07:00

Once upon a line
I could express what I felt
Once I was strong and shined
I could test what I felt
Rationalize what I seemed to fully feel
and what fully filled the
Fantastical methodology so magical
The past is a pale full of stale water
Which I wish wouldn’t bother me
The old surfaces and it lusts for regression
The scolding mirth of this is the gusts of a swirling psychosomatic session

Life

2007-09-11T14:49:00.001-07:00

For every joke they push
For every toke they take
For every sip down the human drain
Anything to not feel like ourselves
Anything for new
People drifting in and out of our consciousness
We pretend they matter
Until we get fed up
We’ve all just been set up
Our hopes raised so damn high
Just adjust your aplomb
So that you might stun
And maybe you’ll end up fitting in
The muffled muzzle of the gun with the silencer
to convince the gunshot to keep quiet
As it throttles the disputatiousness from your conversation
Hope is unrealistic if you think about it a long
long
hard while
Exasperation embodied-I wander in my head
Thoughts become unwanted detours on a road
Made of past and present homesteads
But now that the dwelling’s selling me-where do I go
Discarded-
Dangerously overlooked
Your dedication is a cop-out
Your expectations an unstoppable drought
Faded and elated hiding in transpontine shack
And the nerves loosely tied within my skin say your on my mind as everything begins to turn black
I was ever so protean, but I am done doting them.

High

2007-09-09T16:43:00.001-07:00

A high is everything you want when everything you don’t want is occurring
A high is a welcome sedation that’s feels more real and natural then real life and true perception-the same way some dreams feel more tangible then reality

Thoughts

2007-09-09T15:42:00.001-07:00

You push you exert
Until your mind is hurt
You’re convivial-just like me
You concern yourself with what’s tragic and trivial
just like me
Staring at a friends corpse
Elicits threads of their end and a raping remorse
Explicit in my head-bare dividends of scraping discourse
Estranged with how his existence became extinguished
After blazing so strong so long
Auriferous pupils of peripatetic nature
Analyze that the due pills pair me with something that dares to be pathetic
I’m nearly resigned to being an objet trouvé
I’m fear that I’m inclined to be a can of blue aerosol spray
Corroding my surroundings while diminishing myself
Imploding in what the sound brings while envisioning a shelf
All the while pondering the terrifying inevitability of my health

Bhilial

2007-08-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

I just went to my friend’s wake
I miss you bro.
Damn I miss you.
Whoever killed you is a coward.
Rest in peace my friend

Cigs

2007-08-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

My fingertips smell like tobacco
My eyes feel like they’re marbles
My neck feels malformed
The more hurdles I’m faced with
The more irrational I become
My spine smells like it’s got matches lit inside it
My toes feel disconnected
And the marbles are looking in every direction
The nicotine will allow
And compulsive lust is a coping mechanism?
This is news to me?
Nicotine, caffeine, and a failing self-cannibalistic scream
Of creativity
Say you’re me
But I now it’s vice versa
And I’m kind but I’ll curse the
conclusion
In the wink of an eye
The singer flips onto a pile of teetering shells but the stack holds
And I’m just a little louse lost in life’s rotund back folds

Concert

2007-08-23T08:04:00.001-07:00

tip tip tap tap
cymbals,
racing bass-and a cave of hand-claps

Inspired by Interpol Again

2007-08-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

Pepper in your eyes
Salt in your wound
I shouldn’t have brought it up-
It was all to soon
At least I can learn from what I now discern
Or is that not a consolation
Purify the flies
That balk at the flume of
Forgetfulness
I’m bettin this
will continue to croon
You’re a menu in bloom
If you pardon the comment
the comparison
The brashness
the glass drifts
Through your piece of mind
Quiescent
Dormant
Affable adjectives
Which I would love to apply to this intense delirium
My minds a ship
an automobile
An airplane
With no idea where they are, or who is steering them
And I alternate between maturity
and ought to hate that I keep blurring the
indistinct line between
right and wrong
but I unlearned ethics
I burned
the ideaology but I originally fed it
and it's insatiable gluttony
and it's paralyzing recommendations
So I'll use my body like a visor
Insecurity's a whore
she love's every bit of me
But I truly despise her
And the more attention I give her
The more she seems to think
That I am a test case quite voluntarily
The more she seems to press the ideal that she bury me

In Retrospect

2007-08-19T11:43:00.001-07:00

And I walked through the graveyard
And I felt a bruise of belonging developing in my brain
My restlessness calmed by the one I feared
I felt at home
I felt comforted by this chart of corpses embellished with flowers and stones
And I wandered with no goal
I felt so finite yet so uplifted-

Angry, cruel poem inspired by the new Interpol album

2007-08-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

Recipes on the mind
Ravaging combinations
Speeding with unique qualities
Which appeal to the celerity?
Of my nature
Recently more restless
Than I’ve ever been before
Reentry find some composure from the closure
The crumbling carousel
The avalanche of avarice
Is there something I missed
You trifle, you dumb thing, you thoughtless tryst
Incessantly

virescent

Bathing in overabundant envy
Laying in such redundant thoughts
so pungent
why don’t you end me
Is there something I missed
You trifle, you dumb thing, you thoughtless tryst
With thoughts of
how thoughtless
the concepts
were to begin
The vague regressing ambition
The lake of a depressing lack of conviction
And I block your explanations
Before you even give them the luxury of defenses
You’ll become more a trifle with the rifle pressed against your collar bone
You’ll become more of a dumb thing when I un-sing everything I ever decided to holler and groan
you’ll become more of a tryst when I realize you’ll were never really missed
I don’t need your comfort
Spare me the statement of how much you care

Nausea

2007-08-17T18:00:00.001-07:00

Dripping limbs
in a vat of grins
an irrational spin
a dispassionate binge
The world’s a machine
With grass on a hinge
Let’s reactivate the din
Those made us believe that sin
Could really be true
And for that matter let the word ‘true’
Dictate what you do
Rip fate of what it’s due
Trip the fake over knives let their guts spill
Sip tea with rakes scratch out your lives

Thoughts

2007-08-01T11:01:00.001-07:00

Why do we complain? Does it feel good to focus on the negative experiences?

Why do we demand? Does it feel good to be condescending?

Why do we question if we know we can’t possibly know it all?

Ambition is a mixture of a blind dream and an incredible, undeniable passion.

Oil Change

2007-08-01T05:29:00.000-07:00

I'm currently blogging from the AAA car servicing center off of Pisgah Church Road. On the way back from Jessie's house last night(I love her) my oil light began blinking repeatedly which alarmed me(I've never had that light come on, thought it seems strange that this would bother me more than the omnipresent dull light beneath my spedometer screaming 'MAINTENINCE REQUIRED', but my dad said it was nothing I needed to worry about, though considering his abilities to prioritize wrongly I wouldn't be surprised if the Honda burst into flames next time I turn the ignition.....Anyway time to end this run on sentence----Or is it? I tried to call Graphica to let them know I'm going to be late but I'm assuming no one is there yet....I mean you can't really expect people to be at work more than a half hour before their set to. Unless you're one of those frighteningly overbearing employees who smiles at everything from getting a raise to finding out you unintentionally ran over your own mother while intoxicated. I think too much-well let me qualify that. I don't think too much. My OCD thinks too much. The whole 'You are not your illness concept comes to mind' I'm so fatigued. I need to sleep well tonight to make up for the advancing problem of my sleep debt. I feel like an army of invisible trolls are moonwalking on my forehead with giant boots. Not the most serious of comparisons but it will do for now. The interesting thing is that based on my behavior around the Perkins they would likely deduce that I always act that sporadically. I'm not even slightly as spastic when it's just Jessie and I-I only act like I don't have any common sense(for the most part) When there are other people around the two of us-or if I'm with others on my own. Hanging out with Jess is always such a festive, joyous ocassion-And spending time with others is uninvolved, bland experience. We're both aware of this- I just felt the need to articulate it in writing. Also, I'm still wondering why I begin to feel such pain when

Selfishness

2007-07-02T06:24:00.001-07:00

Roid raid in
In the city of F
In the state of G
Destroyed not by a blade
but drugs and which was more important to save
your career
or the child you reared
The wife you pledged to
Now the police allege you
Killed them both in a narcotic fit
a drug dream
a sluggish stream of cruelty from which nothing was gleaned

Murder

2007-06-28T18:13:00.000-07:00

is indefensible, inscrubtable and ignorant. Only the most depraved filth of society stoop to kill others to prove a point or resolve a conflict. To all of you adorning your profiles with RIP Chris Benoit, give it a rest and stop embarassing yourselves. Yeah, I may be drawing conclusions based on my limited knowledge of the situation.....But consider this
1) They lived in an isolated area
2) Anabolic steroids were found in his home
3) Steroids can enduce roid rage which instills an angry energy which even the smallest thing can set off
4) Wrestling takes it toil on the participants physically and mentally in the most severe of waysFurthermore his son had Fragile X Syndrome, a form of autism.So in conclusion, Benoit's selfishness killed his wife and disabled son.How can anyone put a murderer over their victims?

Here's What's Happened

2007-06-18T13:02:00.000-07:00

black bear
boy dead
woman pregnant
woman gone
Headlines blare
Obnoxiously overt
Both found dead
and naked in the medias
lawn
Collecting nothing and
Not being collected
Because everyone’s attention
is on the best song on the radio
not the
trifles of tragedy
the
achievements
Founded in perseverance
As Britain helps see the end of a global pedophile ring
Everyone’s just wondering what’s being produced in the music scene
So that they can have another ear-pleasing son to sing
Fads are a drag in the dribbling end
Knowledge erupts tunnels of dust from society’s lungs
College corrupts calculating the crisp constant that is a miserable layer of life in scheduled educated and the depreciation has not only begun
It is done, it is done
If everything we create is a planned obsolescence that what does make us---
Even less permanent

Piracy

2007-06-14T12:41:00.001-07:00

Swashbuckling
Watch as bare knuckles bring
Liquor with pale stickers
in an attempt to rip her
from her crusted cistern of a routine
which molds more
with each bloody sunrise
each smutty glum tie
she refuses to sever
but on a sailboat of hedonistic ways
Pain is mistaken for green mystic waves
of a nautical frontier
Let’s all rot filled with beer
And an apathy so piquant that no one cares who steers

I

2007-06-08T19:12:00.000-07:00

am determined. This is an understatement of course, and I'm sure I sound like every other author who dreams large and accomplishes nothing. By my dreams and not a cycle of hesitating effort and then sudden surges of it. I don't think I will be incredibly successful- I know I will. Because I never stop working-and thinking of new things to do or try, techniques to consider, whether it be in art, music, the way I speak, humor, ways to improve my outlook even more, keep my authenticity consistent etc. I will be who I am, and I will succeed at everything I try, regardless of how many times I fail along the way. My goals will be met. The future is bright because I say it will be..........Jessie has made me realize everything that is beautiful and possible in this life. Without her my ambition would be at a standstill. I love her-and I will do anything to remain with her for the rest of my life. She has completed and improved on so many levels in so many varrying ways that it would be borderline impossible for me to delineate them all.

Notice Again

2007-06-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

Girls with straightened hair plastered to their face
With clouds of clumped make up masking every trait
Eyeliner applied over extensively, resembling a
Choice aesthetic bruise on their pale passé complexion
Athletic guys smirk and the girls misread an arrogant inflection
for a new way
a recently sketched out, semi-visible, hopeful direction
you’re decently dressed out in someone else’s personality
The social agreement sees that your breasts shout-
Attention is the only cure for my massive malady

Helpless

2007-06-08T18:20:00.000-07:00

Grappling with cruising cruelty
Baffling how you sing through me
Crackling from a bruising duty
That is a leadened weight in a deadened mind
Wrap the things you hate in sedentary finds

Maintenence

2007-06-04T19:36:00.000-07:00

I watched him work with encouraging intent
thumbing through my thoughts
hoping for a fixed pane
a ripped stain
To make the malfunction stop

Flare Gun

2007-06-04T19:27:00.001-07:00

We hauled hell on our backs
But then realized heaven was a far greater burden
We hurled sorrow towards our eyes
But then realized happiness was far more damaging
We cried til we laughed at how pathetic we were
But then realized
Laughing heartily was far more dangerous as tears streamed down
We realized
Euphoria was a constraining jeopardy

Judgement

2007-06-04T19:23:00.001-07:00

meanwhile we’ve found a better version of you
You’re senile and halfway in the ground
You’re a diversion of blue
Issuing new responsibilities
While failing those of the former
You’re a client with eyes bent
and we nothing but machines
With vein and artery circuit boards
With brains of steal and electronic memory
Compulsed by no pulse only algorithms

Character Traits of a Cityscape

2007-05-23T14:41:00.001-07:00

Hyperextended radio towers
Sprained antenas need to be mended
Palpitating foliage congregating around corner stores
Epileptic helicopters careening erratically
Depressed mailboxes refuse to open their mouths
Passive-agressive fire-hydrants bursting like shattered ceramics
Suicidal kayaks wobble towards the bottom of the lake
Apathetic guitars refuse to sing along with fingers
ADD headlights lose focus and cause collisions
The discontented sun wanders away
The unappreciative moon hurls itself at the earth
Stop signs furtively say go shirking responsibilities
The streets cowardly lane lines slither away
----Be thankful the world doesn't behave as we do,
If it were without a doubt we'd all be through

Ride Home

2007-05-23T14:28:00.000-07:00

Nauseated on the bus
Coping with common lust
For reasons undisclosed
Windows are cataracts to reality
On this rectangular ride
And this petroleum-addicted
Pavement afflicted
Beast is so tranquil
From the inside
The cheap aluminum-silver lizard hide
Marks the cataracts distinguished divide
Back and forth my nausea trickles
What's a body worth when it's so fickle

Thoughts

2007-05-23T14:25:00.000-07:00

Today's regret will be tomorrow's motivation, of what to do and not to.
Convictions are as overused and disposable as lies.
Don't criticize change.
Do not bind yourself to responsibilities.(fulfilling them is fine-but being controlled by them is unacceptable)

Widow

2007-05-23T14:21:00.001-07:00

Negative space
Covered in lave
Defines the weeping widow
Next to the willow
Treats
the
gargantuan
Grief
Like a cool pillow
Outside of the
Dimly lit room
A grim taste of gloom
The vociferous din
Billows in the shape of a mushroom
Relative haste
Lover's delaced
in the confines
of the sleeping widow
Expect the grief to grow
Mutter a hard 'thanks'
and grin a lie with your teeth
She shrilled to the star-scattered atmosphere
'At this point of hardly mattered if you were here!'
She ranted further of how
'God' had hurt her..........
Blessed are the festive
who are fake for any god's sake.

Futurist

2007-05-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

Reading about a new technology
And every novels atom that drizzles into existence
Is indictive of a progressive resignation
A trip to the ends of the earth with no sails and no
crew
A trip that no longer depends on the mirth that I hailed as the
new definition
of human life
of this illusory struggle that everyone is irked by

A Jester Minus the Jocularity

2007-05-18T16:17:00.001-07:00

You’re never gettin an amiable apology
You’ll get a dissatisfied sorry
barring the
Point where you realize your actions
And I’ll never understand your turntable of psychology
Your brains spinnin and the lack of stability is starving me
We were a blooming tree
And now shadows are looming over me
In the back of my mind
I analyze the wrong
The wrongs analyze me until
Your eyes begin to shine

Sayin sorry
Falsifying fact
Instinctively denying
impulse
The brink thinks for me and its
ordered in a
Bounding shred
of a new
compulsion

Time for a greater piece
A greater range
of change
And opportunity for the deranged
my you’re strange
You piece of slime-
We’ll always end up estranged
Get out of my lengthy lane
in this street full of flashbacks
Your mind’s become rubbish
is there a piece of your body that lacks trash?!?!
Flashbacks……lacks trash……..Going so fast
……..He demeans you behind your back…
……...And you’re a screen of hindrance holding away
Just pushing away
Just wasting away
We’re all killing ourselves while taking steps after step
Self-medication is a mistake but a good one at that
I know what I did
so.,,,,
Just LET ME LIVE!
L-llll-etttt me Live!

Sayin sorry
Falsifying fact
Instinctively denying
impulse
The brink thinks for me and its
ordered in a
Bounding shred
of a new
compulsion
hahahahaha….
You are my new expulsion
So go on out the door
cross the floor

Forward Motion in Vegas

2007-05-18T16:15:00.000-07:00

I’m fastened upward-arms dangling downward
Blood-bitter bastards in the pit that had mangled me forward
The grass in the upswing couldn’t cancel out
the dance about the bedraggling
Choreographed by neon corpses
Massaging, monologue within the electrified signs that entrance and shout
You’re your own trap and we’ll see your wrongs are greeted by horses
met at the gate with a casket full of plagues
It’s worth fighting my flirtatious fate just to see you age

When I'm In the Ground

2007-05-14T20:40:00.004-07:00

you were trapsin around my funeral
clad in black
Next to the shack
It was just fate you were at my funeral
wailing hymns not fit for living ears
sobbing sins that you spit through that dousing of tears
at this point cryin’s for naught
I’m gone carry on-forget this spot
I was gettin lowered into the ground
Rigor mortis is my new best friend
It’s a shame this dream had to end
Cuz everything from the daffodils
To the verdant hills
screeched
‘We miss him so’
You were fakin your pain at my funeral
You were embracing my pain at my funeral
All I wanted was goodbye, a somber wave
But you trampled the flowers-kicked mud everywhere
Rambled about what a disaster I was- threw punch in their hair
How dare you pretend to care
I’m gone this song has lost it’s air

Just One

2007-05-14T20:40:00.003-07:00

I need a new nuance
To occupy my thoughts
I need a new existence
I need new nuances
So my thoughts will have something to occupy
Something to dwell in and upon
And that occupation could possibly bring some peace that I could hold
my thoughts are worker bees toiling to satisfy a queen that isn’t there
I could rot from hurt or disease just to ratify what I mean but who would truly care
Nuances are my observation
Nuances are my art
Nuances are my poetry
Nuances define the inner-workings of this
third-eaten third-bruised third-healing heart
If I were floating out at sea
abandoned by the boat
and all hope
then I would tell you to
sail on past and leave me to the
burnt beaten burnt-bruised burnt-pealing sharks

How Dare I

2007-05-14T20:40:00.001-07:00

I am selfless.
The only thing I ask is that
Judgment isn’t passed so fast

I am selfless
The groaning gauze cast that
Befuddles the motions of my arms wont last
As long as my past

I’m hurting, my mind is spurting little trinkets
Of antiquity
That I can no longer identify
my thoughts are leaking onto the busy sidewalks
my sentiments are crumbling little currency that heaven spent
On the circular crowds all around me but facing outward
All this attention
All these connections
And I’ve never felt emptier
Who sent me here?
I ask nothing of anyone-so why is so much expected of me
Not a thing of the cliques
Not a thing of those I’ve befriended
I don’t ask for forgiveness from those
who have ended
Their place and grace in my space
A beam of warm light cross-hatching in diamonds over my closed eyelids
That would be such beauty
Such extravagant, emblazoned, exotic beauty

Transport

2007-05-11T19:34:00.000-07:00

I just want to recover the tracks for this stumbling train
And give it a course
But I don't speak effort
Anymore
I'm not fluent-and my voicebox is hoarse
And my creativity has become coarse
crawling on my hands and knees
Travelling over this gravel
isn't enough at the point the here and now?

Lethargy,let me go

2007-05-10T18:09:00.000-07:00

Who do you think you are
I hope you sink right where you are
and I feel
as if i haven't slept in months
As if I've becomed maddened by these fatigued lumps
That are my eyes
And their lids are reluctant shutters

Organization

2007-05-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

Standardizing anything turns it into a hassle. Have you noticed that the greatest accomplishments in music, art, and everything else have been the result of free will and focus? Not mandated monotony. Organization is the enemy of progress; if ideas and goals don’t flow freely then none of them will solidify in the end. Inspiration and structure are a contradiction that cannot be justified. I’ve learned more through my own research than I ever have because of the influence/forceful nature of school. This cumulates in high school drop outs, and general academic apathy.

Done

2007-05-09T18:04:00.000-07:00

I want my innocence back!!!
I wanna weep in the corner
with this damned jaded nature in my eyes
I feel I've earned more
I feel I've learned more than this- cyclical thoughts so pitiful
I'm not happy as this scarecrow
straw under my skin
straw in my heart
straw over those same deprived eyes..
But the innocence leaves me defenseless.....
Let me feel what I wish! just walk away! since when did you become my coroner!?!
I've crammed so much filth into this eraser that
beauty is digusting
And corruption is gorgeous
I've concealed what you yearned for
But no more
no more
And I died as this scarecrow
dead leaves and straw bundled in my blood
I breath but you saw how I mumbled through the mud
Dripping down my chin.
And you backed away so petrified
At the sight that met your eyes
so just.
Let me feel what I wish!
Let me walk away!!
Let me be be your coroner!
Let me feel you walk away!!

Falling

2007-05-09T11:22:00.001-07:00

These tender aggravations rubbed raw, but we keep clenching them with the utmost desperation.
The throes of the blows caused by the clubs that we juggled back and forth
I want to be
Intuitively free
but now I see
What it’s doing to me
I could render gravitation, of what you said the drugs saw through your eyes, eying the cutthroat’s expectations
The corpses grow in the snow causing the bear cubs to huddle together for warmth
I want to be
Naturally free
but now I see
That’s it’s battering me