There is little more beautiful then a trusting surrender.
To let inhibitions slide of your tongue
Let music dwell in the bobbing of your head
the arythmic tapping of your foot
Which is slightly off but just as passionate as the
Tittt-errrraddedat-tow of the cymbal hits
And it would seem you saw a symbol in every one of those guitar licks
A ramshackle bridge that no one shows anxiety over
A spinning desert with a layer of diamonds hibernating underneath
Everything is something else- complex yet mindless with the music in your feat
Oscar Arnold 6fl1n3P
4 years ago
3 comments:
truth: "There is little more beautiful than a trusting surrender."
-there is little more that is so releasing, so satisfying, than swallowing pride and being proud about it.
this is one poem that i can really identify with. i love trying to write about musical experiences.
with this one i think you really captured and accurately described some of the feelings a person can get with some sweet rock n' roll in the brain.
and of course you know i like the "Tittt-errrraddedat-tow"
one thing i might suggest you could consider, if you wished to expand upon this poem in more depth, is the concept of "show don't tell"-
although i think one of the strengths of the piece is in the accuracy of your exact descriptions of human feelings, you might try using sounds, sound images, and other devices to illustrate the music and the human reaction.
but this is rad!
continuing my thoughts about "show don't tell", the reason i think this method can sometimes be more effective is because in the streamlined ambiguities of a few concrete images, a certain power is created.
-a power that is experienced as we read an accurately expressed feeling that has been developed concisely and with masterful arrangement of language (the ultimate goal of a writer)- by showing the emotion not telling how it works.
this is related to Noam Chomsky's idea of word order and syntax and the deep structure revealed beneath it.
it might be easier for me to talk to you about these concepts in person, when i can use my hands, but here is a link about deep structure:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_structure
and some lectures by the famous composer/conductor Leonard Bernstein, that compare the syntax of language with that of music:
The Unanswered Question- 6 talks by Leonard Bernstein (1973)
with all of that said,
i think on the other side of the writing-style spectrum you have clear, exact, realistic, and nonetheless beautiful descriptions of feeling. in this poem i think you find a happy medium.
i find the comparison of styles similar to really good pop music and really good noise music.
it's actually kind of a step away from your tendency toward the obscure.
so
-we must explore every hue in the electromagnetic spectrum of prose and poetry!
Totally.
And I apppreciate you wanting my work to branch out...It's been quite helpful thus far.
I think I just went with a more concrete approach because I was trying to identify something so 'un'-tangible. It seemed like I needed to pair the abstract with something more relateable...But I guess I need to go out on a limb and have more faith in the interpretive abilities of the individual readers.
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