Old Piece of Writing

Called Lyric Step 1-I just finished a recording of it-might work on putting some instrumental with vocals...Time will tell-in the mean time, check it out.

Laugh out loud- I heart this carcass
She texted on her phone as her eyes gave a groan
Specks on her clone want her to cry and hone
The sucking skills
So fucking ill
Every verb and word must have leprosy
It’s absurd the curve that I’ve made
now that you’ve set me free
My body is a vessel of self-expression
Of haughtiness and hard-learned lessons
Of dabbling defenses and random slips of depression
So lets stand them, and man them up
So they can comprehend the end is a decomposing vine and not divine or a sign of a new rewarding staircase to climb
Haha! You cringe at the futility, but I laugh and flick it off
And I’ll sob behind the jaded lies just like you
Lust like you
We’re all the same crane tearing at our chicks, stripping a width of flesh as we encircle our minds with mesh that tears out our verbal skills
Herbal thrills is what I prescribe for you my friend
Lets tell tales of tragic turns in which a man had a sexual burn so he put it out
By making-her put out
Saying the word bitch makes you a misogynist
What about ass, shit, and fuck or are those too erogenous
Too open to interpretation
Excuse me as I pop the fuck out of your ego’s inflation
Because if it’s not overblown then it’s not intriguing
Which is why I’m sighing happily as you’re leaving
Get on board or get nailed to it

Music, etc.

So-said album was half done, with the first CD of two complete. But being me, I went back and scrapped about eight songs which I'm likely going to replace- but fortunately I've already figured out the general tone and concept on the second CD and have figured out a couple songs for it thus far, and my friend said his label would distribute my music and so on as well. Between work, music, and school it's been exciting past couple of months. Although writing and music have esentially taken over my interests, I'm still psyched about my art class this upcoming semester.


More Later!

Work

Iconic grasp of the situation drowned in tonic to numb the negligent ferries that crush all of the seal-infants that flap throw through the riptides that grow impatient in the bay a a captain barks orders in a long-tongue obsolete with former-cow skin tanned warming his feet

To Be Expected

Infestations
of the highest caliber puncture the security and make homes in nestled mud dwellings of a deliberately lost land constructed from scratch of lead-- bankruptcy--as the mentally ill wrestle with bombs that obstinately refuse to defuse and complain in absentia.

Amalgamate

Ear burns and face tilts
Accompanied by laughing scars
That twirl through concave fabric inhaling tones

Ripple

The collective carcass of the heartless desecrates a solid lake of gold and lambent whispers

Demi-Monde

The jetset underworld of France
Is an impulsive churning burn of chance
Everyone's throbbing in a robbing trance
Dance
about rationale
Everyone's swimming in spinal canals
of the Grade A on the grind
searching while lurching- don't make up your mind
dedication is sedation-caked up and blind
stumbling while mumbling within decadence divine
Objectify to simplify
the constant stream will nullify
all that you mean to glorify
Make sure to deny the whores their eyes

YES!

The album is near completion......I intend to stay up all night and finish. I'm too excited to write about my inspiration-Peace!

Something to appreciate

This is Jessie's handiwork, and I'm very fond of it. It brings to mind the essential elements of Sarah Palin:

1) Deficiency of intelligence

2) Delusions of competency

3) A misplaced sense of sincerity

4) Catering to the conservative stereotype as a means of getting approval

5) The inability to have a debate without immature side comments

6) Accusing the opposite party of the very things she is guilty of

7) Adopting trite philosophies under the guise of her own opinions


8) Not having a comprehensive or even basic understanding of the inner-workings of politics

Attention Conservia!

Even in the event that Barack Obama were the Anti-Christ

why would he care to be elected president of the United States. In my eyes that would be a bit of a downgrade going from supreme ruler of Hell to leader of a country that is trying to be a knock off rendition of Hell. Furthermore-wasn't George W. Bush already given the illustrious title of 'Satan'? You can't have multiple Lucifer politicians-you've gotta pick one, the incumbent or the candidate.

Things to be excited about

Jessie!
East Carolina's football victory over Tulane earlier this afternoon
Spore:Reloaded
Kicking some academic ass!
Work, which means money( in most instances)
Having essentially no obligations beyond church and finishing mowing the overgrown terrain that is my backyard
The Hungarian film Kontroll( I really want to see it at some point)
Stimulants!
Friends!
Halo
The film I'm working on!
The album I'm working on!
----------------------

We're diamond pelts siphoned from the flesh of a screaming feline that curls within itself in anger.

I can't say anything worthwhile anymore

then she stumbled toward the door

Slurring her movements 

Jagged phrases scraping her lips

But I licked them off with a jab of my tongue

If no one were ignorant would we be better off, or would elitist cultural races to see who was the most educated and sophisticated emerge? I actually think things would be in a far worse state then they are currently. Because at least with the dichotomy of ignorant and educated people that sort of tension is consistent and sustainable. We'd probably be more prone to instigate conflicts, and become more selfish and arrogant. We would have a global movement of deluded hipster lifestyles and philosophies.....Nothing would get accomplished.

Boredom is laziness.

People don't have trouble with change, they have trouble with the disorienting nostalgia it can bring.

Spain

The matador smiles as he twirls his taunt
around the beasts brain
The runners rile up a style
that defeats the goring lane
Waivers for the archaic ravers all signed and returned

For individuality, against the standard

Strive to be same
Live to be like
Grow to be gawked at
Smile to be shunned
When kindness is an anomaly for which we don't have a cure
How is is that we can expect anything else to be pure

When will we admit how many people have been undone by sordid sensationalism?

Thud languages pepper my skull
With declarations exhaling over those tongues
Hello, bright light release
Here I am-Here I've been

Child
N o thing
Will
hurtyouanylonger

Just trust the wind

That caresses

All that you feel isn't and wouldn't be good enough

It will hold you 'til hurt is an anxiety

of a place
thatnolongerexists

Earth: 3

The damned dentate soil
Tears into my ankles
Like bear traps to fur
Or that bears jaw to a fish
And my own screaming bleeds till my ears tanks are full
But the diminutive dentate of dust all about
Walks around but not with every step that I take
These are jaws
I wish I would never wake
To-not have my futility become an itinerancy
This mausoleum of mud molars
I know you saw the end-
Yet what the earth lets in my blood
Is still determined by the solar orb
That never pities my plight
Until it to becomes gnawed to bits by the night
When we both miss our massive majestic matutinal mother

Earth: 2

Gnarled roots of fists
Punchin with cheer
Tar your wrists
As you crunch your fears
The bark on your chest
No longer arrests
My attention
If I were the pesticide
You’d be the locust
If I were the drought
You’d be the survivor
Is it fun-to be abandoned to your endless fields of grain
I’d sooner tear
Your leaves
Then embrace them----dear
You are the shrubs that have finally been cleared
You are the shrubs

Earth: 1

Tears of wood
Is what she wept
We would always hear
But never-
Really understood
We’re what she left
Clamoring through the back door
Unkempt, mud-caked, sobbin through sores
Sweat droplets servin as mirrors on the floor
Slobber over the food
And howl at the neighbors we think are rude
For every other time there was a reason to back it up
But you’re tired of my fatigue
And I’m tired of you relieved, so pack it up
Pack it up now

Release

There is little more beautiful then a trusting surrender.
To let inhibitions slide of your tongue
Let music dwell in the bobbing of your head
the arythmic tapping of your foot
Which is slightly off but just as passionate as the
Tittt-errrraddedat-tow of the cymbal hits
And it would seem you saw a symbol in every one of those guitar licks
A ramshackle bridge that no one shows anxiety over
A spinning desert with a layer of diamonds hibernating underneath
Everything is something else- complex yet mindless with the music in your feat

Realization

It stopped fazing---
me when I failed to falter in my faith----
in the fulfilled fabric -----of
the
flowering fantasies.

T-a-l-k

Strangely enough the more you know the less you feel
He said as twirled the stiff orange peel
Around his thumb and bruised other fingers
Those conversations made me numb
Yet a feeling would always linger
My mind was a ceiling filled with singers
and the glimmer of their vocals
was like a coat full of gold
Rubies and such
I'll never know the boat
I boarded
To cruise to such luck

Sunshine

The sun’s a jilted jezebel jumping for your throat
It doesn’t matter how we built it- at least we filled the moat
Your lungs are wilting crevice cells drunk with halted hope
Chip chafed chatter

C a resses

Your
M o uth

with cotton

Conversate

They sat as I sat
S a l i v a t i n g
over the smallest
I d e a l s
They spat as I spat
E n u n c i a t i n g
Under the tallest
M i n d -w h e e ls

Devour

The crocodile slithered onto the bank and approached a man in cardboard-stiff starched khaki clothes. The man jumped instinctively but then he recognized that the animal meant him no harm and sat down cross-legged and began speaking to to him.
"Why've you come out of the water sir?"
"Give me reasons why I wouldn't have."
"If you're capable- I don't see why you shouldn't. It just seems strange, you don't really belong here."
"By what standard?"
"Nature's."
The crocodile dismissed this statement with a wave of his scaled hand and slunk over to a nearby antelope.
"Watch this."
The crocodile tapped the antelope gently on the shoulder. The antelope recoiled initially but the n looked on at the reptile in a friendly manner.
"Will you be participating in the chain today?"
The antelope nodded sweetly, and the crocodile instantly suffocated the animal in a blur of lacerations. Bloodied and victorious the crocodile turned back toward the horrified man, with a lethargic displaced look in his slit eyes.
"That is nature's standard. So I will be rejecting at every moment I can."

Corruption

Your five-legged fantasy of followers has just become disfigured
and it's writhing and it's wailing about how you've treated it
But you just preach on
Fuel all your addicts until cleverness ensues
What delightful disasterous dogma my friend
There can be no attractive absolutes but the seductive end
The skies are sobbing and heaving as they're grieving
How you've decided to blend
Truth
with
Appeal
Your philosophy is an uncouth meal of steal and deceitful deals

Battle

Ten thousand of the horde couldn't afford to deny the lord any longer
So as they marched through cream colored streams, their muscles so lean they pondered the path of the warmonger
To whom the pledged frightened obedience in the form of their swords
There womb was a ledge of light and they saw the sense in the scorn of that chord
Of buzzing hope, that had become a joke amongst the ranks
Does he tote that mace and chain because he is yoked or to emphasize thanks
Toward the general of gravel who has march so long even he has forgotten, the rotten roots of their effort, as if he and the fleas of fantasy he commands have digressed into more
By destroying themselves, they've become blessed to the core.

Then

There was a waltz that I wove with every car that I drove
A mad sad little slide that dove
Into every battered clove of stability,
every slathered grove filled with mildew beads.
I was in the tapping of that nervous finger
I was in the vocal trappings of that worthless singer
The dance has an inflection of insatiable instability
Yet their feet punch the ground
And your wrists kick the air
Crunch up your crown
And lift it from your hair
this ammicable arriviste
Is my appicable, cylical mind feast.

....

Use the pain as fuel.

Looking

One day we’re going to leave this ritualistic
Pit which your wrists lit
and find something cleansed

Back to the Streets

concubinage
Drips from urban euphoria's
Genitals
And We're all a rave
of concave
whimpering waves
if they wash over us enough
maybe we'll learn to behave.

He's such an intelligent dude

'actions belittle intentions'

So.

I got in a wreck today.

I hit the head of the psychology department at UNCG

Oh the agravating irony

Loss

So I stood in the hallway leading to the bathroom trying frantically to find some kind of piece of mind. He always bounces back I told myself and breathed as regularly as I could. He’ll be fine. He is fine. There was no justification for this reason, I just accepted it timidly and weakly walked throughout the store trying to busy myself with folding clothing or running over potential scenarios over my head. I had called my dad and told him that he was shot. It was a disconcerting conversation. He didn’t seem surprised at all. After what seemed hours of pointless cycles of thought and trying to comfort myself, she called. She asked if I was still at work, and if I was when would I get off. The apprehension was tangible. It was another person in the room taunting me in a sadistic manner. The concept of inevitability began to expand in the back of my mind, until I could feel as if my sanity was teetering. She arrived. Called me. She asked me to come outside. I asked her if she had found out anything more than what I had been told regarding the situation and she only said I needed to come outside. It was only a matter of time now as I told everyone good night and began to walk out of the store. She was sitting in the Suburban, and in retrospect they seemed darker than usual. What was with all of this secrecy? I just want to know what’s going on! She got out of the car, and walked toward me. I don’t know if she started crying before or after she told me. It doesn’t matter. I asked her what she knew of the situation.
‘Is he alive?!’
She shook her head. A movement of the head has never held so much weight.
‘NO!’ I shouted uncontrollably, moving as if I was going to punch the ground in response to my news. I shuffled about erratically for a moment. My mom made me sit down on a bench with her. She spoke of how he was with God as if this were a comfort to me, as I sat in the back of the Suburban. I muttered bitterly about how the things she was talking about weren’t real. I got out of the Suburban. I got into my car. I sobbed and swore in a more pathetic fashion then I ever have or likely ever will. Driving home listening to a rock band called Interpol. Cursing life for the awful set of circumstances it had dealt, and I think, somewhere in my mind, cursing myself for not preventing it somehow. Insanely enough, I went to work the next morning. I felt a cavernous rendition of the person that had been intact less than a day before. I felt a hollow pain then I knew was here to stay. I felt backstabbed by life for it robbing me of my best friend. I felt aged. I felt gone. People say that you typically grieve for four seasons. I don’t subscribe to such a clean cut version of mourning. I believe permanent loss can permanently change a person. I have seen nothing to the contrary.

Stimulated

Sparking anguish in a suitcase filled with infants
Hearts spring into a lift of brute grace instilled by inmates
Inside my head liberated by
Guns made of taped-together glass
I am here
and my mind is clear
But they are distinct
And I believe I think
this difference is better.

Coast

This places upsets me. I hate being at the beach, because it's an incessant reminder of how I hate swimming, how much I fear swimming in the ocean. How pitiful of a person I am rendered when put in isolation. I also hate family 'vacations' which are an endurance test and a superfluous waste of time simultaneously. For once I would appreciate my free time to not be adulterated by the idiotic notions of other peoples schedules and interpretations of what concepts like family and togetherness. I will not have my life bound by another's perception of me, or anything else at any point in time. When seniority becomes knowledge I'll be more apt to listen. But aging does not imply wisdom. Nor does it imply maturity. Whenever I find comfort in something it is taken from me. Whenever I put my faith in something, it is exposed as the result of my elated ignorance. It's problematic that I'm at my happiest when I'm at my least thoughtful. It is also troublesome to realize that, my family life can be held accountable for a frightening amount of my struggles. I am disatisfied with this life that I am being handed. I hate my parents.

Fear

I’m pretty well controlled by fear of one kind or another.

Fear of academic failure.

Fear of personal failure

Fear of isolation or loss beyond control

Every waking moment that I have to my disposal is mainly dominated by anxious thoughts and warped repetitive statements and perspectives which hold no place in my life. My existentialist, borderline dualistic approach to the obstacles and events that define my days is a double-edged sword. I am learning consistency, but it is hard to remain one way for even the shortest period of time. It seems like the only time everything was cut-and-dry black and white was when I child, when I was ignorant. I am unbelievably tired of ruining things, places, and connections that make me happy through no deliberate commitment towards such an outcome on my part. I am torn between living in the mood and brooding about how little I, and this life matters. Or at least how my perspective renders it so. You know you are thinking too hard too much when you can literally feel yourself processing every bit of information in an effort to understand the smallest shred of what is going on around you. I am not negative. I am overwhelmed. There is a definite difference between the two, and I wish it were perceived by more people. Fortunately I’m learning to escape my thoughts by keeping busy. Not just occupied but ridiculously involved in everything I do. Because I can’t handle relaxation. I can’t handle ‘idle’. Because doing nothing is the equivalent of putting my mind on a slope.